Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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