woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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