The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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