Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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