I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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