I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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