Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
