No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
