Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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