If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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