he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Randomize
