so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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