I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Randomize
