I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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