so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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