I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
