The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
