I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
