If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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