dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I FOUND THE LEGS
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
