why do cheetos always look like penises
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
