Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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