I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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