Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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