you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
