So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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