Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have fence marks all over my body
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
