so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
