exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
