What did we do last night that was yellow?
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Randomize
