wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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