Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
