i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Randomize
