when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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