there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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