I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i was born a porn star she said
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
