you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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