Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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