i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
