no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I'm so fucking centered right now
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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