I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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