Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
