I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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