All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
