Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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