I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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