I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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