Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
