ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize