Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
the day after is always just damage control
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
