So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
