i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I understand Curling. That high.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize