i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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