i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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