I'm jealous of your bromance
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Randomize