It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
