So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
