i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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