we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
