Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
