Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
