Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
