He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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