I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
