you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
