Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
