If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
