This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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