I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
