my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
