so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Randomize
