I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
